Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I hate it when you really want to be sad, or mad, or just upset, but you can’t.
Like, you wish you were frothing at the mouth,
Or at least able to maintain a somewhat angered glare,
But instead you find yourself laughing at stupid jokes
Only to recess into unhappiness later. It really drives me crazy
Because then you can’t say you were upset, you can’t say you wanted
To go home, or anything like that, because for a while you didn’t, you just kinda wanted to laugh a little
And pretend things are the same as they used to, or that they were always
Like this, like now.
And it’s really painful when you can’t discover just how to get your stupid, grinning point across.
It makes me angry, because it makes me look moody
When I’m laughing so hard for so long, and then I fall back into a daze, staring at the table, coldly
Telling it what’s what, but really only thinking
To myself. I wish I could be just angry, or just sad, or
At least just happy, but instead I bounce from mood to mood,
Unsure of where I’ll land next,
Uncertain of who my next victim will be.
I just hate it.
And I hate it when you feel so intensely on something that you can’t feel for anything else.
It makes me feel inhuman and I hate that too.
I hate a lot of things.