I am

I am

updating my blog, finally, in a
gesture of love, of smiling, of
living continuously, heart beating, and
yes, it is Valentine's Day.

I am

always considering the best and the worst, and
livid yet lax in the moments of pain, and
odors sting my nose, pervading my clothes, and
needless to say I am here every day, and
each word oozes out of my fingers like glue.

I am

seeing the white, black, and blue of the world,
or meeting and grinning at strangers I know, but
really I just want to curl up at home, yet
really I want to meet a soul-mate or two,
yet all I can do is smirk to myself in my room.

I am

always awake while my eyes are closed, on the
verge of a breakdown and breakthrough at once,
erring and sighing through blurry-eyed notes, with
rage in my smile and falseness in my mind, and
anyone but no one could convince me otherwise.
Get your face out of my business, my laptop cord is young, too
easy to shatter and nowhere near stable.

I am

wily and wanton and laughing and musing, no
righteous, rambunctious, regal rewards run rampant,
only a hug here or there with a pat on the back,
nothing to convince me not to stray off track -
greedy grins and sly smirks peer at me from afar.

I am

not a figure skater or a bobsledder
or a skier or an athlete, even, yet my
tv tells me all about my dreams.

I am

saying and saying and saying and saying and
asking and asking and asking and asking and
doing and doing and doing and doing and
needing and needing and needing and needing and
escaping without ever really escaping and
seeing and seeing without opening my eyes and
saying and saying have you ever read sideways?